You've already heard of some of the newest dating jargon, such as ghosting, breadcrumbing, gaslighting, or paperclipping, but have you heard of stashing? As an adult who is active in the dating community, chances are you've experienced this once or twice without knowing what it's called.
What Is Stashing
Stashing in dating is defined as a deliberate and conscious decision by one person in a relationship to keep their partner out of their immediate circle. As a result, they avoid introducing them to their friends, let alone their families. When their partner suggests that they publicly reveal their relationship on social media, they often feel uncomfortable. There is basically a stasher and a stashee in this type of relationship, and although stashing is common, it is also emotionally damaging and degrading.
When your partner is usually comfortable with you but has never made an attempt to introduce you to someone who is important to him/her or gets offended when you bring it up. He or she might even dislike the idea of accompanying you to places in order to avoid being seen with you. In this type of relationship, it seems that one partner is not proud to be associated with the other.
You two may have been together for months or even years, but you still feel incomplete because, after all of these months, you are still not recognized as a part of him/her.
This is a sickening dating trend that should be avoided.
5 Reasons Why Lovers Stash Their Partners
There is no single explanation for why people stash; it may be any of the reasons mentioned below.
1. They are double dating: People would choose to avoid the drama of being caught while they are in another relationship at the same time as they are in yours, so they hide you from their families as well as their friends (people who definitely knows about the other relationship). This may be the reason you are being kept secret.
2. They are unserious with the relationship: When one person is not committed to a relationship, stashing is unavoidable. Since they see no future with you, they see no need to introduce you to their inner circle. They are well aware that sooner or later, they will leave the relationship, possibly ghosting you and leaving you heartbroken.
3. They feel you don’t match up: When one half of a couple feels that the other half does not match up, they want to keep the relationship private. Your partner may be embarrassed to introduce you to the world because they believe their family and friends would wonder how they ended up with such a person as a partner. This decision could be informed by the stashed partner's education level, health challenges, or social standing.
4. They have issues with their family members: Your partner may be stashing you because of family issues. He or she may not be on speaking terms with the family member and is unable to introduce you to them at this time. While you would be unable to communicate with their family members, you should be able to meet with their friends. If you've been absolutely buried in your relationship, it may be time to re-evaluate it.
5. They are using you: Every day, we meet users; it is also likely that we fall in love with these people and develop our fantasies around them. Users are experts at stashing their partners in relationships; they're in the relationship not because they really care about you, but because they profit from you. They are like leeches sucking your life away. They may be using you solely to fulfill their sexual needs, or they may be exploiting you for financial gain. These people may not want to introduce you to their families or friends because they do not want you to track them down when they eventually ghost on you.
Signs Your Partner Is Stashing You
If your partner is stashing you in your relationship, chances are you may have suspected that something is wrong but have not reached a conclusion yet because you are unaware of the warning signs.
If you are not fully happy with your relationship with your partner, look out for the signs of stashing mentioned below.
1. They make excuses not to see their family: They are always making excuses for you to prevent seeing their family and friends. It's simple: if they don't want you to meet them, bringing it up will make them defensive.
2. They don’t talk about the future of the relationship: At all costs, they will stop any discussion about the future of your relationship with them. They have no plans for the future with you and do not consider you to be a part of it. They would like to avoid any serious discussion of the topic.
3. They avoid public places with you: They try not to go out in public together. If you suggest going anywhere together, such as the mall, they will give you many explanations. They'd rather you be in a place where no one will see you two together. The reason for this is that they do not want to be seen with you.
4. They don’t want you on social media: You do not appear on their social media space. They may have ignored or rejected your connection request. They don't want anybody to know you exist in their lives, not even on Facebook. If you share a picture of the two of you together on social media, they will frown and ask you to remove it.
If you are witnessing any or some of these points above, you may have to reevaluate your relationship and know where you are.
What To Do If You Have Been Stashed
Relationship experts believe that one of the most important things you can do if your partner has kept you stashed in your relationship is to question them in an open conversation. By inquiring as to why they are not letting you into their inner circle or why you are yet to meet people who are significant to them. Remember, you're leading them down a road they don't want to go down, and this will irritate them.
Keep an eye on the reaction; if this person responds negatively and says things that are disrespectful and hurtful, you should reconsider your status in the relationship. Recognize that in a healthy relationship, the partner will justify their behavior and why you aren't there yet. They will not avoid a conversation with you if you are important to them. If not, now is the time to consider leaving with your dignity and honor intact. Remember that you have a life to live, that your happiness is in your hands, and that you cannot change someone who wishes not to be changed; it is not your duty to do so.
Difference between Stashing And Ghosting
If you haven’t read our article on ghosting here’s the link once again. Ghosting is the sudden disappearance of a partner or friend cutting off all forms of communication without any justifiable reason and rejecting every possible effort to reconnect with you. E.g. You got home from a wonderful date, you both had a good time, and you're wondering how you got such a wonderful partner, they smiled at you, bid you farewell, and said they'd call you soon. There is no sign of them on the first day; there is no sign of them on the second day; days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, but there is still no sign of them, and you never hear from them again.
Whereas, stashing doesn’t happen just like that; instead, you're lulled into a false sense of security by believing you've met the right person. They persuade you that they really love you and want to spend the rest of their lives with you. To find out that they don't love you enough to be seen with you in public. You finally realize you're a secret, and they'd like to keep you that way.
Conclusion
We have formed and built up emotions and anxieties from our past experiences over time, and often we appear to become devils after a serious heartbreak, but passing this darkness in us to another is not cool and will end up breeding more evil in society.
Stashing a partner is one of the most disgusting trends in relationships; it is an age-old phenomenon that has withstood the test of time. This has wreaked much more havoc than the fulfillment it gave to the stashers.
If you find your partner is stashing you, challenge them quietly with the truth and listen to their defense; if they are not persuasive, please move on with your pride and let them be.
Don't let anybody stash you, no matter how much you want them. You should get to know their friends and family and go places with them. There's no reason why you shouldn't be a member of their inner circle.
Don't let them fool you into thinking you're more than you are. This messes with the mind and gives them the upper hand and they'll exploit you in perpetuity.
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