You've probably heard the word breadcrumbing but have no idea what it has to do with dating. Breadcrumbing, like stashing, ghosting and gaslighting, is a relatively new addition to the dating and relationship lexicon.
In this article, we would do a thorough discussion on this term.
What Is Breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is the act of sending flirtatious but non-committal signals to easily entice a romantic partner. In other words, it manipulates others' emotions by leading them on.
The person interacts with the other person frequently enough to hold the other person's attention but not frequently enough to establish a meaningful relationship. They will reach out just enough to give the other person a taste of what a relationship with them could be like, but they will leave them wanting more, i.e. leaving breadcrumbs.
Breadcrumbing, as opposed to ghosting, which means suddenly ceasing all contact with the person you're dating (the ghosted), alternates periods of silence with cute and flirtatious messages to keep you hooked.
Breadcrumbing has become more common as online dating and dating apps have grown in popularity. These apps provide a fantastic opportunity to radically alter traditional dating and the pursuit of a romantic partner or a friendship. It is now very easy to come and go from someone's life, sending mixed messages to those involved.
Breadcrumbing In A Relationship
According to experts, breadcrumbs can occur in relationships at times.
You may be the core of your lover's existence for months, then they may vanish for a few weeks, only to reappear and make you feel like the most important person in their life for another few weeks, and then they are gone again.T
This is common when your partner only provides you with enough comfort and reasons to stay together while leaving you continually unsatisfied in the relationship. This is because you are never their first priority; they are preoccupied with something else, such as work or someone else other than you.
Why People Breadcrumb?
Breadcrumbing is most common while dating or in the early stages of a relationship. It's natural to send mixed signals when getting to know someone to see if they're interested in a relationship with you. When the connection does not seem to be developing into a meaningful relationship, it is unavoidable.
People who leave dating breadcrumbs may or may not be aware of it. It is inevitable to engage in breadcrumbing by two people who aren't sure how they feel about each other.
The exact reasons for this behavior vary, but there are a few discernible patterns as to why people engage in it, some of which are highlighted below.
Loneliness - Some people breadcrumb because they are unable to achieve the emotional and sexual satisfaction that a relationship provides in their present location, possibly they relocated to a new city due to work. They are just breadcrumbs to satisfy their sexual desires and would ghost on their partners once they are done.
Insecurity - These people need several partners to boost their self-esteem. They have a propensity to delude themselves into believing that they are not doing something wrong. They do this to stay relevant in your life and discourage you from moving on, or to keep their options open. Their victims are nothing more than backup plans.
Selfishness - Many breadcrumbers just want to feel good about themselves; they like breadcrumbing a large number of people all at once to feel accomplished. They enjoy the fact that many people are emotionally attached to them and would want a relationship with them.
How To Know You’re Being Breadcrumbed
Breadcrumbing can really get you confused about your relationship status, the breadcrumber will often leave you wondering whether or not you are single.
When you see these signs simply know you’ve got a breadcrumber as a partner.
1. Inconsistency with conversations
Breadcrumbers are notorious for leaving you hanging in the middle of a conversation. They will strike up a conversation or set you up on a date, but nothing ever comes of it. This person will begin a conversation with you, then suddenly stops talking for several days before returning to it. They still ask the same questions, with long pauses in between, and the conversation lacks serious momentum or inspiration. They have a habit of calling you and reappearing in your life just when you've started to forget about them, returning you to square one.
2. No sense of commitment in conversations
They are always non-committal and avoid being clear during discussions. They will suggest that you see each other, but they will resist making plans to do so. You may have heart-to-heart conversations on occasion, but their responses are typically shallow, devoid of direction and sense. They make no serious effort to comprehend who you are. They can still say things that make your heart rejoice without committing to something serious about you.
3. Not interested in your life
A breadcrumber's characteristic is that they seldom talk about your life; they don't want to get to know you or any member of your family well. They are therefore uninterested in learning about your career goals. A breadcrumber will show signs of interest now and then, but they will not consistently be interested in you or your life. In a nutshell, they are exploiting you and keeping you around for their own gain.
4. Inconsistency in the channel of communication
Since breadcrumbers are inconsistent in their modes of communication and actually don't care about what's going on in your life, you'll notice that they use various modes of communication to only have small talks with you because they don't care to keep up. You could have exchanged numbers and communicated via text messaging or even set up a date via WhatsApp, only to have them disappear for a week or so before reaching out to you via Facebook messenger. They may not respond to your WhatsApp messages for unknown reasons, but they may like your Instagram post or tweet on Twitter. This keeps them fresh in your mind and prevents them from being forgotten or forgotten.
5. They never give you their full attention
You know you've got a breadcrumber on your hands when you have to basically beg them to spend time with you. The truth is that if anyone really wants to hang out with you, they will make an effort to do so, regardless of how busy their schedule is. Simply put, developing a healthy relationship between the two of you would be nearly impossible because you will always feel the need to beg for their attention. A breadcrumber will make you feel inferior, destroy your self-esteem, and leave you feeling disconnected.
How To Recover From Breadcrumbing
Once you realize you're being breadcrumbed, you should do some introspection and set realistic goals for yourself to react effectively.
Examine your whole relationship with them; are they just there to have a good time and then leave? Is this their normal attitude? People may experience temporary difficulties in their personal lives or at work. However, if it is not a situation but rather a decision of theirs or just who they are, this is not safe for you. When a relationship is skewed against one side, the more loyal party suffers.
It's best to avoid getting too involved with a breadcrumber in the first place. When getting to know someone and considering them as a romantic partner, it is recommended to apply roughly equal amounts of energy. This entails acknowledging and repaying those who invest time and resources in.
Regardless of the nature of your relationship with this individual, decide what you expect from them. If they aren't a good match for what you're looking for, set boundaries and limit your interaction with them. If you want a serious relationship, tell them and see what they think of it.
It is better to approach them with facts about their actions and to express your expectations with them, making it clear that this behaviour is unacceptable to you. What happens next will expose their true motivations.
If, however, you find that this individual is unwilling to commit to a relationship while you are, you can end the relationship and move on with your life.
Examples Of Breadcrumbing
1. Occasionally texting, emailing, or direct messaging but failing to respond to requests to spend time together.
2. Everything they care about revolves around sex.
3. They make you feel bad when you question the direction of the relationship
4. Inconsistent communication, such as constant pauses and breaks when chatting.
5. They seem to be totally in love with you one day and then disappear the next.
6. Not making enough effort to know you better despite being in communication for a while.
7. Not having an active or directional engagement with you on social media
8. Being attentive and flirtatious in person, but not making a move to achieve something serious with you.
9. Not really being interested in your life and your future.
10. Showing signs of no commitment in having a serious relationship.
At times, breadcrumbing can be flirtatious and innocent. Usually, if one person is leaving breadcrumbs, they aren't interested in building a genuine relationship with you. Know what you want in a relationship, think about your worth, and set boundaries to avoid heartbreak.
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